The biggest mistake

I don't know if I did the biggest mistake in my life so far yesterday. I just can't stop crying. I don't know what I'm doing. My heart is breaking but yesterday I saw this as the better solution. I hate myself right now. I probably lost the one person who truly loves me. My head is just so confused right now, I don't know anything anymore. And the worst part is.. I already miss him. I just hope he doesn't hate me.


The GIF that made my day

My day has been awful from the morning, just wanted to cry and disappear. Just hide from the world. My thoughts is so confused.. I JUST DON'T KNOW.
But my best friend Tekla did a gif and it really cheered me up.



New week and I really hope that I get much done this week. I have a lot to do, and I just can't see how I'm going to manage everything in just one week. My head is kinda spinning and really confusing me, I really don't know what I want anymore. And I think it's about time for a bigger change in my life, I can't tell you what yet because I haven't planned it ready. Only my mom knows about it so that's why it's so supersecret. Let's just say, I'm about to take a big step! Or a huge step. 
When you start thinking about things, or I've realized, that we only think about ourselves. Not all the time. But I confess that the thought about what another person has been through isn't crossing my mind very often. And then I expect people to understand me, without knowing what I've been through. So I realized no one ever thinks about that, about my past, wondering 'what happened to her?' 
This is one of these times again when I wanna write down what I'm thinking. I don't expect anyone to read this whole text through, it just feels good to write things down, that you think are important. 
I also realized that I care too much about other people, even without them knowing it. And one of my biggest wishes is to get people to accept me for who I am. Because I'm kinda finding out who I really am right now. I think it's because of Jonas, my boyfriend. I'm just so much more social and open to more people, and I think that why it's him who brought out this side of me is because I know he loves me for who I am. Though there's times not everything's ok, but it's always like that. I've found a new side of myself and that's all that matters in the end. 
Maybe this is enough for today.. just writing about random things haha. 
I would wanna hear readers thoughts too if you have some similar opinions or situations like me, would be nice to read about them and find some understanding in this crazy world haha. In English, Swedish or Finnish!


The Impossible

I just have to blog about this movie. I've not cried to a movie this much as to this one. One of the sadest movies I've seen, and it's even more horrible that this is a true story. That is just awful. I really think you should watch this movie!

An account of a family caught, with tens of thousands of strangers, in the mayhem of one of the worst natural catastrophes of our time.



This day has been pretty ok. I had a stomachache in the morning but later I went to school because I had to go to the psychics lesson and to do a Culture Club-poster ready for tomorrow. And now I'm at Musiccafé After Eight with some girls from our class. Funfun.



Last week we started a new course at school. We call it facepainting, and this is what it looked like last week.
Pictures by Sanny, and you can also find them and more at www.kulturmontorerna.ratata.fi that's our classblog.
And so today we did a little more extreme version of this, check it out! Pictures by me.



I've had a wonderful weekend with my boyfriend and friends. It was fun! Nice to hangout with some people you haven't been with in a while. So thank you all for coming !
I'm very emotional right now.. I think it's because I haven't seen my boyfriend for 2 weeks, and now he had to leave again and I seriously just started crying. But it isn't so long to the next time I see him, I just really love him. And it's hard to be apart from someone you really love. I feel stupid crying, but I just can't stop.


The exceptions

This week I've been listening pretty much too the radio, which I don't usually do. So here's some songs I like !


I think too much

I just have to say that this was the most boring weekend in a long time. Sitting by myself in the apartment watching all the seasons available online of Jersey Shore. When all my friends were doing something else or were elsewhere. So yesterday, or kinda the whole weekend, I did a lot of thinking. And I really mean a lot. I thought about everything, but most about last spring and summer.. that was when my life really started. And the people I was with, I miss everyone. Seriously, everyone. Without them my moving here wouldn't hav been that fun. But times change.. though you don't want them to. Last spring I thought my life would be almost perfect here but no, in the end it became a nightmare really. Stuff that I didn't want to happen did, I lost some important peiple. Abd I really regret the things I couldn't do then, but for some reason I could do now. I've changed. Thanks to last summer. But I would really like to hangout with you guys again. If you're reading this, you should know who you are. Love, the one you forgot.


Thursday 10.1

The only thing I wanna write today is:




Sain Haasteen Anettelta <:

~ Kerro 11 asiaa itsestäsi. ~
~ Vastaa haastajan 11 kysymykseen. ~
~ Keksi uudet 11 kysymystä. ~
~ Haasta 11 bloggaajaa ~
~ Kerro bloggaajalle että olet haastanut hänet. ~

11 asiaa itsestäni:
  1. Olen suomenruotsalainen, kotoisin Ruotsista, parhaillaan asustelen Suomessa.
  2. Tämän tutkinnon jälkeen muutan Helsinkiin jatko-opintoja varten.
  3. Vihaan Rammsteinia.
  4. Alan ottamaan ajokorttia tammikuun 24 päivä.
  5. Olen todella herkkä, mutta sitä en monelle näytä. Ja itsevarmuutta en omista melkeen laisinkaan.
  6. Ainoa eläin mitä todella pelkään on sammakko.
  7. Olen nörtti. Tietokone 24/7 OH YEAH.
  8. Tahdon jatkuvasti muuttaa ulkonäköäni, en ole koskaan tyytyväinen.
  9. Rakastan valokuvausta.
  10. Olen miltein köyhä, mutta kuitenkin ostelen kaikkea jännää vähän väliä.
  11. Muutin pois kotoa 16-vuotiaana.
Vastaukset haastajan kysymyksiin:
  1. Teitkö uudenvuoden lupauksia?  En, enkä ole koskaan sellaisia tehnytkään.
  2. Mitä haluisit parantaa omassa blogissasi? Noh tahtoisin lukijoilta kuulla feedbackia mitä voisin parantaa jotta blogini olisi kiinnostavampi ja enempi ihminen kiinnostuisi.
  3. Vaatekappale, jota ilmat et voisi elää? Mötley Crüe-paitani, pelastajani.
  4. Mistä saat inspiraatiota pukeutumiseesi? Lempibändeiltä.
  5. Mitä musiikkia et voi sietää? En nyt tiedä musiikista, mutta Rammsteinia en voi sietää.
  6. Asia jonka haluisit muuttaa ulkonäössäsi? Tahtoisin laihtua ja saada pitkät hiukset.
  7. Asia johon olet ulkonäössäsi erityisen tyytyväinen? No olen aina saanut kohteliaisuuksia silmistäni ja huulistani joten ne ovat kai kaksi asiaa mihin olen melko tyytyväinen.
  8. Aiotko mennä ensi kesänä festareille? Näin olen ainakin suunnitellut! ProVinssiiiiii ja Tuskaaaa.
  9. Paras muistosi viime vuodelta? Hmm.. paras muisto vuodelta 2012. Niitä on niin monia.. mutta sanoisinko että koulun päättäjäisilta ja poikaystäväni tapaaminen on sellasia hauskoja ja tärkeitä.
  10. Mitä musiikkia kuuntelit viimeksi (bändi, artisti, kappale tai levy)? DEF LEPPAAARD! ah.
  11. Mitä ajattelit tehdä ensi viikonloppuna? Aattelin että menen Vaasaan poikaystäväni luo.
 Uudet kysymykset:
  1. Minkä tyyppistä blogia luet/seuraat mieluiten?
  2. Lempibändi tällä hetkellä?
  3. Lempisarjasi?
  4. Ihanin ja kauhein muisto?
  5. Paras elokuva minkä olet nähnyt?
  6. Miksi bloggaat?
  7. 5 tärkeintä asiaa elämässäsi?
  8. Onko jotain mitä haluaisit parantaa itsessäsi?
  9. Onko sinulla jo kesäsuunnitelmia, jos on niin mitä?
  10. Mikä yleensä herättää blogeissa kiinnostuksesi?
  11. Mikä biisi soi juuri nyt?


 In January my camera wasn't that active, so I didn't found many pictures. But I guess that it didn't happen any special in that month either.
February was a pretty eventful month. We had a schoolproject where we had to do a specific theme in a box, and my theme was the 50's ! We also had a project to represent a new education at our school, doing some painting and decorating. In February there was also Valentine's day and we went to Tampere with my best friend Johanna and her family.
In March I turned 17. That was the time me and my best friend Tekla started partying and stuff like that, crazy times.. :) And on the winter holidays my friend Rosanna came to Kokkola and we did some cooking.. or atleast we tried.
In April I finally got to move to an own apartment with my best friend Tekla. The biggest change in my life so far. So we had a lot of friends over all the time and just enjoyed our time there until our neighbours complained. On Walpurgis Night I was in Kouvola with Johanna on VAPPUGOSPEL 2012, it was an awesome minifestival and I really got good pictures from there!
I don't remember all that happened in May, anyhow there was this event called LÅDBILS(boxcar)RALLY 2012, so we worked there. It was fun! Then we did a lot of photographing with Tekla. Also I got to see my oldest friend from Kokkola, Ida, so we grabbed a coffee and ice cream. I also picked out my dress for school ending, if you know what I mean.
In June the summer holidays began. So it was a lot of partying, we celebrated the schools out and this one party called KLACKEN PARTY 2012. We also went to Powerpark with my family. Really lovely month!
In July there was this big happening here in this small town, Jacob's days, a lot of partying and seeing everyone you know! Some really crazy stuff happened too. I also was to Ylivieska with my family and met my good friend Harri. Then we were at a yardsale with Tekla, and it wasn't a big success.
In August there was this happening in Uusikaarlepyy called JUTHBACKA MARKNAD, and there's a lot of people every year. We were there with Tekla, Anna-Sara and Amanda and had a great time. I was to Tampere also, for some stupid reason I don't really wanna talk about. And the school began again, so nice to see my classmates again! In the end of the month we celebrated a happening in Kokkola called VENETSIALAISET, and it was a crazy feeling there.HAHA SO FUN. Then we were at the cinema with Johanna watching the Madagascar 3 3D haha. In the end of the month there was also this every year happening in little Pietarsaari called SPOTLIGHT, which was awesome too.
In September I got a labret, finally. Haha. We were also to Helsinki with mom and my brother to see Nickelback and Daughtry. It was awesome. I just love Helsinki, and 1,5 year to go and then I'm about to move there. Can't wait. This ain't a surprise we had a lot of friends over once again and just 'party ooooon people!' Haha love you guys.
In October there happened not much more than you can see on the pictures. No snow yet, which was very surprising here in Finland. And we took the schoolphotos.
In November it happened a lot. As an example there was this happening in South Finland called KULTURKARNEVALEN 2012, we went there with a few friends from my class. And streetdance it was, funfunfun. I also were working instead of school, work practice or what should I call it. At school we also had a project called MULTIKULTILIVES! which was a fashionshow my other classmates made clothes to, it was awesome, and I think I finally came over my stage fright.
In November me and my boyfriend Jonas started to be together, love him so much.
As you see, in December I colored my hair BLACK, just a little at first then everything haha. There's a picture of Jonas too, and a drawing of me and him that my little sister drew, so cute. There was also Culture Club when I booked a band called Facelift, it wasn't such a success though, that was a little bit sad. But I had fun. Then I was at my little sisters Christmasparty. Haha.