I don't know what to do anymore. I've messed up a big time. You could compare my life to hell. Seriously. I'm anything else but happy. I got separated from the one I love, my fault. I'm officially thrown out from the apartment, me and my roommates fault, or kinda all the peoples fault who were here last Saturday. I can't concentrate on schoolwork, because I'm so stressed out, my fault. I've let my parents down, my fault. I got too much going on, my fault. I'm depressed, my fault.. I don't know what to do. I'm at the bottom. It has never been this bad. I've never been this disappointed and angry at myself. I've never been this miserable. I'm helpless.
I feel alone. Like really alone. I've never cried this much. I've never hidden my feelings like this. But now it's coming out. Because I'm breaking. From the inside. I'm falling apart. I'm also crying while I'm writing this. I hate my life. I just want a fresh start. Getaway from the bad habbits. I really don't know what to do or who to turn to. This is hell.
And I know you people are now thinking that this is just one of these nights, when everything feels bad and that pain is gone in the morning. This is not like that. This pain has gone on for an eternity, or it feels like that. On the outside, in my daily life, I really try to seem happy. But that fake smile, and fake feelings, are just hiding the pain. I don't wanna bother other people with my problems, but this is kinda of a call for help. I can't take this anymore.. I need someone to care. That's why I'm writing this. For help.