Here with me

Today has given me a lot to think about. My emotions has been up and down like a rollercoaster. I've been sitting in my pyjamas all day, mostly thinking about what's really going on in my life. It feels like a lot, but at the same time it feels so empty and lonely. There's certain times I miss, moments I'll never get back, but still hoping to experience again. That's where my problem is. The problem with everything is that I'm expecting too much from people, I've always done that. Hoping for much more than I can ever get. The fear of feeling this way from here on is a scary thought. Just because I've done so deep thinking about this, I'm afraid of not letting these thoughts go. I want to be that person who enjoys life day by day, that's who I'm trying o be. But I'm really not that person, I can't do anything without thinking about how it would look in the future or about how it's going to change my life. I want to be sure about what I'm doing, but I'm not. I wanna stay positive, but I can't. It's hard to face so much alone. I know I have people around me who cares, but I still feel lonely. They can't be there always, that is totally understandable, but still I need someone or something with me all the time. And as soon as I realize no ones there, I break down. I totally lose the will to stay positive and do anything about it. I lose myself. 6 months ago, it wasn't like this. Everything was so much better.I know I should let go of those memories, but I just can't. Not before I get some better thoughts to replace them. Right now, everything feels hopeless. 
 But on the other side, maybe this is just one of those worse days.

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